Pain is the Indicator

Our ability to push past pain will be a very important indicator in determining our success. Pain results from an outcome that we are internally, or externally experiencing and, as a result, gives us valuable feedback that we can choose to use, or abandon. By abandoning it, we are proactively declaring our lack of accountability. Whether we like it, or not pain happens because of us, not to us. If we believe we are the masters of our future, the captain of our ship, we are willing to take accountability for the results being displayed in our life. Thus abandoning our painful experiences, we declare our lack of personal accountability.

Learning to assess pain and properly use it for the better will make us more prepared for continual adversity. As adversity is always at hand in some form, or another, our gained awareness of each painful experience will help us to be better individuals.

Life is an ongoing story for each of us, and like any good story, there is painful moments infused with doubt, fear, stress, worry, and the alike. As we progress through the story though, let us gain wisdom from our pain. It will always be there. The better then question is, “will we be better the next time it comes around?”

 

JKH

Focus on being less busy

I’ll first admit, that being busy is a good feeling. It creates a sense of importance and value in who we are. It’s a way for us to tell the world “we’re a big deal”. Rushing around checking off to-do lists each day creates a dopamine like effect that continues us down this illusive path of being busy. In fact, most of us are told that being busy is a good thing. Before I became aware of how the impact of such thinking, I used to equate someone who is busy to someone of accomplishment and success. Who wouldn’t, right? If you have more meetings, more obligations, more commitments in today’s age, that immediately puts you above those who have less. In fact, if you are not busy, you are deemed lazy. So that’s what I was led to believe.

 

Unfortunately, being busy is a mask to cover the real work that has to be done, but is not being completed. Yes, we are running around checking off to-do lists, but how many of those things really matter? Are we putting first things first? Or are we putting second, third, fourth things first, neglecting the vital functions that make our goals a reality? Accomplishment and achievement does not mean saying yes to everything, but more, saying no to most things. We should focus our time and attention on what matters.

There are really only a couple things that matter in moving you forward. Each time you say yes to something that does not matter, you are saying no to what does. Simple.

 

More often than not, we have not identified what matters, which is why we say yes to so many things of lesser value (lesser value in relation to the importance of your vital priorities). We have not created a vetting system for what’s important to us, and in the absence of such, we say yes too much. As hard as it may be, we need to say no more often. We don’t because of the expected disappointment in others.

 

Saying no creates a temporary moment of being uncomfortable, yet frees us in the long run. I feel people will respect us more in the end, if we do say no because, when we say yes, our value of time permeates to them as a sense of our own value in them, which is greater. Simply put, if others understand more how we value our time, they will feel more valued when we make time for them.

 

I will not see eye-to-eye with some, and that’s ok. That’s what makes life unique, but at some point, we must ask ourselves, “Am I truly free?” Only in asking ourselves that can we lay out the true narrative of the life we seek versus the one we are living.

JKH

You get in life what you tolerate

In order to healthily move forward, we must learn to not tolerate that which harbors outside of our values, that which we know is right. Tolerating things that shouldn’t is laziness. Are you too comfortable in your own circumstances to exit something from your life that does not serve you? If we let things in our life run their course, by means of our own toleration of them, then we will not have room for the people, events, opportunities, travel, fulfillment, or whatever it may be that brings you happiness.

I feel we tolerate less than what we deserve, because are too consumed by our own internal fear; a fear that has deceived us too many times. We all deserve to enjoy what this life has to offer, but we cannot if we tolerate things in our life that do not serve us. We have to cut ties from them. We really do get in life what we tolerate. Each of us is tolerating something that we shouldn’t. We stay there by choice, but we also live free by choice as well. Nothing keeps us in fear except our own lack of courage; a courage that so desperately needs to fly free. None of us exempt. We all face fear, but it is our choice to not tolerate it that separates us from a life of happiness, and one of despair.

 

JKH

How core values help us do the right thing

Doing the right thing is just that…the right thing to do, but that doesn’t mean that we won’t be tempted, or enticed to sway from our values each day. Doing the right thing stems from having a good set of core values. For example, if “integrity” is a core value of yours, then you are saying that no matter what, “I value this over anything that may come by and try to take me off course.” I’m not saying you won’t be tempted, cause you inevitably will, but your core values, in this case integrity, will help you better vet your decisions and life choices. Even if you are “wanting” to do something different, integrity will hold you accountable to yourself. I say “want” because what we want to do, and the right thing to do, can be different to varying degrees. It is only when go against our core values that we feel pain. That pain can come in the form of multiple of emotions.

Needless to say, doing the right thing can be directly correlated with the strength of our core values. We may value integrity, but only our actions will prove whether that’s true, or not. Each day we make an array of decisions, but only when we have strong core values can we do what’s right, even if it’s not in our favor.

JKH

A different angle on learning

Have you ever considered what you learn from the unapparent, hidden, and unspoken? While our senses pick up one thing, there is a whole other thing happening that we often miss. It’s not what the person may say, but what they don’t. It’s not what looks apparent that is the problem, but what is not readily apparent. Many things happen without us noticing, but they are still happening. It’s not because they are absent, but that our focus is on what is the loudest.

Learning is two parts: what you actually read, witness, experience, etc., but also what you don’t read, see, or partake in. Being able to learn from both will play a major role your growth as an individual. Didn’t see the results you want? Don’t look at the results, look at the process, habits and routines that were not implemented. It’s not what you did to get to where you’re at, but what you didn’t do. Change your focus. Once you look at learning from these two different perspectives, you will notice changes in your level of awareness that can only be obtained by focusing on what is unseen, hidden, and quiet.

JKH

Always ensure you are not doing this before you make a decision

While making decisions, it’s important not to get a step ahead of yourself in the process. When we do this, we find ourselves in a sinking ship of assumptions that do us no good. In fact, they often can cause more harm than good.

During these moments, the best thing you can do is be more patient, but when time is of the essence, this is a lot harder, because we want to get things done; we want to solve our challenges as quickly as possible. Remember though, when it comes to decision making, efficiency is more important that effectiveness. Here’s why.

When we are effective, we can find ourselves making many decisions quickly, but often at the cost of having to trace back our steps because we didn’t think things through. Now this isn’t always the case. There are many decisions we must make and then learn along the way. The example that notably sticks out, is the decision of entrepreneurship. Many are drawn to the idea of owning their own business and working for themselves, but unfortunately, they never take action. This is something that must end. Not just this example specifically, although it is very true, but to procrastination itself. You will never know everything beforehand, just go.

With efficiency however, we are more focused on making decisions with clarity and, if need be, take more time to ensure we are not making any assumptions, or moving forward with the incorrect information. Efficiency is about going through the decision process the right way, not just making them to get things done.

As a final thought, focus on making decisions efficiently. Have the courage to take your time during the process. Making assumptions is a costly expense to your bottom line.

Until next time,

JKH

Everything is a reflection of self

Everything is a reflection of self. Nothing is happening to us, only because of us.

When we reach this level of awareness, we understand that where we are at in life, where we’ve been, and where we are going is our responsibility. Should we accept this, life is that much more enjoyable. We can become more responsive and emotionally level, as opposed to reactive and out of control. Yes, life will happen, and yes, most things are out of our control, but we will always have a choice on the direction our life goes when we hit that critical moment. That critical moment can lead us to happiness, or drive us down a road filled with struggle. That critical moment can be the beginning of something new, or the continuance of something filled with blame, complaining and excuses. That critical moment is yours for the taking. What are you going to decide to do? No one else can decide for you.

JKH